Entry 3: My first experience with death

My first experience with death

My first experience with death was when I was a child I think I was about three years old when my grandfather died, as I was so young I do not remember very well what I felt but I keep in my mind till today his face in the coffin the day of his funeral.
That experience marked a moment in my life after which I can´t be in front a dead person because that rigid and cold body makes me feel deeply in sad and with a feeling of emptiness inside, so that I never go to funerals but some people do not understand it and get up set with me.
In my opinión I prefer to remember people I met and died with the lively image of them that I have, it is a way of keeping them alive in my Herat.
But certainly the experience that touched me most closely was my father`s death, I know about his death two months after because he lived far from my home and as he had another family, his other sons and daughters decided not to tell me, they did not allowed me to be with him for the last time, I do not know why and I will never understand their behaviour. The thing is that I couldn´t tell him goodby or even how much I loved him though he was not living with me since I was three years old.
I will always remember the last time I was with him, as we used to see each other sporadically I take one opportunity to go and visit him for a few hours a few months befote his death. We talked a lot as if for an extrange reason we would wanted to tell eachother everything as if we knew that was the last time we shared together.
When my mum arrived to pick me up he almost desperately asked me to stay with him at least one day more but I told him that I couldn´t because I wouldn´t have how to comeback.
So I learned since then for ever that you have to say your parents and the people you love how much you love them before it is too late and try not to discuss or row with them because you will never know when is going to be the last time for you to be together sharing a conversation, a walk or even silence. There are many ways of saying I love you, words are not the only way, but from time to time they are necessary specially with tose who you do not see very often.