Entry 1: My description of chaos

Chaos in my life is something that is present in those moments when I feel like I have no way to run o that I can not deal with my duties and obligations alone but I know that nobody else will do them for me, so it feels like if I would be suffocating, as if I could not breath because I am inside a dark box which is closed and there is no way of going out.
Chaos desperates me, is like running against the clock because I have to be ready or to prepare or arrange everything and there is no more time to do it. Frequently it happens me when I am running out of Money and my debts come all together just the day before they are due, or when I have to take care of my houswork and I have too much homework delayed and I have to study for several exames and as if it was not less I have to solve personal problems all in only one weekend because next Monday is the dead line date.
These kind of exasperanting moments make me furious, worried and crazy at the same time and what is worst is that I end up by rowing with everyone around me, blaming for my frustations the person next to me, who is almost always my husband.
Chaos in everyone´s life appears with the shape of a shadow that devours the peace and tranquility of your life putting everithing ápside down. But sometimos chaos is the consequence of your mistakes as a result of your incapacity of dealing with your own goals.